I am always amazed at how God works in my life. I have been struggling to find joy in my life, strength to endure each day, and understanding. It has been six weeks since I had a miscarriage. I was in complete disbelief when it happened, and have tried my best to go on with life each day as I had before I even knew I was pregnant. I find myself counting each week that goes by, I would of been 13 weeks this Saturday. Thinking about what the baby would of been, what he or she would of looked like and ect.., then I feel guilty for grieving so much and letting it affect me.
I have let myself crawl down in this pit now for sometime.
Then the other day when I opened my devotional for the day, like I had done each day before, but nothing spoke to me, nothing pricked my heart, until I started reading this day.
Grieving from A to Z...... It talks about Jeremiah and how he grieved when Jerusalem was destroyed.
In the midst of his grief the comfort of God surfaced. Reminders of God's sovereignty and goodness gave the prophet hope as he faced the future. " The Lord will not cast off forever, though he causes grief, yet He will show compassion according to the multitude of His mercies." Lam 3:31-32
I realized that by crawling down in this pit and trying to hide the pain, and not giving it ALL to God, I was only allowing myself to look at the bad things, to think about the bad things......and letting it slowly pull me away from the joy and comfort that Christ has for me and wants to give me!
I am thankful that because of God's grace my baby is in His arms today, I'm thankful that because of God's grace I will one day be in His arms too! Because of God's grace we can all be set free from pain, set free from sorrow, set free from our many pits!
He has blessed me with my wonderful husband, three beautiful little girls, and He has blessed me with the gift of our fourth child. He just chose to take him home with Him. Though I don't think I will ever be able to understand why, I am so thankful that I don't have to! He is an all knowing God, who knows what's best for me. I am thankful that I can trust Him with everything, even things that don't make since to me.
Thinking about all of God's goodness and grace for me, sets me free from this bondage of grief that I feel. Don't get me wrong, it still hurts, I am human! But, knowing that He is all I will ever need gives me so much Joy and Comfort!! It just amazed me how He chose to have me read that devotion on that day. He knew, He has not left me, and He never will. Even in what feels to be some of my deepest valleys...He is always near.
To experience God's comfort, while you are suffering with grief, try to focus on God's goodness and He will bring your heart relief." God allows sorrows and tears today, to open our hearts to the joys of tomorrow.
I've been praying for you ever since Pastor Mike mentioned the miscarriage one Wednesday night. I've even thought about making you a card, but didn't want to say the wrong thing. At church there were always people around and I didn't want to embarrass you. Sometimes I think an early miscarriage grief is harder as the parents seem to bear the grief alone (from the human standpoint). Most people are unaware and since they don't feel the changes and the grief goes unacknowledged. I'm really sorry I haven't called you, but I do want you to know that I care!
ReplyDeleteThank you Jennifer for sharing your heart and deepest emotions with us concerning the loss of your baby. I believe in time that God will replace your grief with abundant joy, because that's just the kind of loving God we serve. "Weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning." Ps. 30:5 I love you, and am praying for you.
ReplyDeleteFor awhile now I have tried to convince myself that it was not a big deal, I was only 7 weeks along, and I needed to move on and get over it. But, I just found myself more and more miserable, and not loving life the way I had before. Grieving is a funny thing, you can't avoid it, you can't hide from it, you have to grieve!
ReplyDeleteGod spoke to me through my devotional, He told me that I still needed Him, and I needed to grieve!
After it happened I gave myself one day, one day to cry my eyes out and then I put on my happy mask and preceded with life. But, my way didn't work! :) God knows my hearts desires, and I will trust in Him to continue to lead me through this valley. I am feeling better, and looking forward to our future.
Praying that in God's timing He will bless us with another little one.
Clinging to Him seems to give me comfort and joy, so that's what I'm doing! I just felt burdened by God to finally share what I've been going through and how God has and is helping me through it. Thank you all for your love and prayers! : )
Praying for you always. I have never had to go through it personally but my mom has and so have friends. So thankful that you have God in your life to help ease the grief and show you the glory in this. Love you!
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