When taking Emma to her Doctor today to have her cast removed and her arm put in a sling (Phase one of recovery) I found myself in a interesting conversation with my four-year-old. She asked me a question that I myself have often worried about and wondered the answer to. Emma: "Mommy, what if God doesn't heal my arm? What if I can never move it like it's suppose to?..............After a few seconds of silence and holding back my tears of fear.....I had to say one of the hardest things to her.......He may not Emma, God may choose to not heal your arm. But, you have to understand that even if that happens, that God is more than enough for you! You don't need your arm to be "normal" to serve God! Then I was overcome with a little guilt and fear......Is God really more than enough? What am I going to do if He chooses to not heal her arm?!? Then I had to stop and think back over these last almost five years, and remember all the miracles He has done for us.
We started the journey with Emma's arm on May 24, 2007. The day she was born.
Miracle #1: When Emma was born, she was stuck with in me. The Dr's were trying everything they could to get her out in time. She was loosing oxygen and we were about to lose our girl. I remember laying there in great pain, I realized that something was wrong, really wrong. She was not coming out and she should of been out by now. The Dr's and Nurses were frantic! They had already gone through all the "procedures" in the book and nothing was working. I laid my head down and prayed. I said " Lord, I know I can't do it! I have no strength left, but, I know You can! Please help me!"...and with that prayer was the first miracle, Emma was immediately born!!!
Miracle #2 : We were told once they stabilized Emma, what had happened to her and that we should prepare ourselves that she may never move her arm. Four months later, she moved her arm for the first time!! God showed us that second miracle! Miracle #3: When Emma got older we started to notice that her arm was getting weaker. There was no specialist in this entire state that could help her! The only Pediatric Obstetrical Brachial Plexus Injury Specialist was in Texas!!! They would fly up to Charlotte, NC twice a year to do free clinics. They did a scan of Em's shoulder and thought that she would benefit from a Muscle Transfer Surgery, but we would have to fly down to Houston, Texas! Our Medical Insurance would not pay for anything out of state....we felt hopeless! There was nothing we could do but wait and pray. Pray that God would provide a way even when there really seemed to be NO way! We just kept driving the distance to Charlotte every six months to make sure she was doing okay. One day after coming home from the long trip, I felt very overwhelmed and worried! To be honest I even felt a little bit of anger. Nothing hurts worse than seeing your child suffer and there's nothing you can do about it! So I came home and got on the internet and decided to google Erb's palsy doctors Raleigh, NC.....then miracle #3 happened....her Dr. popped right up! It just so happened that Emma's Dr. Had just moved to the area recently and started a new practice just for pediatric Brachial Plexus patients!
My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.~Psalm 63:8
There have been lots of miracles in Em's life! I had to go over them to remind myself, that HE is faithful, HE does love us, and HE is in control and has a special plan for her. He loves her more than I do, she belongs to Him!!!
We were told before Emma had the surgery that it would not fix her arm, it would just slow down the process of internal rotation. Her arm is going to slowly turn inwards and one day she may have no use of it. In the mean time we are trying to do as much as we can to give her the most function in her arm.
I know that God is in control, it's hard as the stubborn human that I am, to give it to Him no matter what!
So when Emma asked me that question earlier today, I had to remind myself of His grace and that God is more than enough even if He chooses to not heal Emma. HE is more than enough!
"But I have received everything in full and have an abundance; I am amply supplied, having received from Epaphroditus what you have sent, a fragrant aroma, an acceptable sacrifice, well-pleasing to God. 19And my God will supply all your needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. 20Now to our God and Father be the glory forever and ever. Amen." ~ Phil 4:18
"The Lord is merciful and gracious,
slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love."~ Psalms 103:8
